When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
