I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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