gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
