I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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