I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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