We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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