he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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