Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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