I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
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This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
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I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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