Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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