a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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