i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
