Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
