Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
