Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
