Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I can text with my tongue
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
