So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this boner is exhausting
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
