i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
