i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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