i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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