He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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