I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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