I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
