she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
