Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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