He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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