Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
