Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
