I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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