it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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