tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
