Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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