so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
