I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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