i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
