your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
