the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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