I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
