she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
