the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
