Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
