where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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