operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
