I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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