Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
