i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
