did you get engaged???
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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