Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
