whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
