meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
