Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
