Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize