you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
