even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
