Will you blow on my dice?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
