i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The air was thick with penises
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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