like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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