We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
