As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
