Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
