U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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