I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
