There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He has the fingertips of a God
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