My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize