Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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