I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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