Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
