I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
